Speaking with myself !!!

Is it that difficult to lead a comfy life, a happy life? Why it has to be that difficult? Why do I have to be that drained and tired all the time struggling without having any guarantee that all that hard work would pay? Is this about faith? If it is, then do all people get to suffer like I do? Or it's something designed specifically for me?

Are we actually living or not? Is it just a huge dream and all this drama is just a part of it? Is it something in me that keeps me choosing the hard choices all the time? Do you think – if it is true – it's a good thing or a bad thing? Does this mean that I'm a hard core? Is this ambition? Why can't I just choose the easy pathway just like everyone else? Statistics prove that they all did great; however, it is not so appealing to me? Why? Why? Why?

I just look far ahead in future and I choose accordingly, am I correct? If I just followed the status quo, so I'm not here, this is what makes me feel I'm alive. However, it should be a source of great pleasure and happy feelings, it is not! Till now it is not! Do I have a problem with my faith, do I? Do I? Doooooo I? Someone please answer me!

يا الله يا ولى الصابرين - يا الله يا أرحم الأرحمين - يا مقدر الأقدار , يا مالك الملك , يا ذا الجلال و الاكرام - يا ربى يا من ليس لى سواه - يا من تجيب المضطر اذا دعاه - يا ربى لقد مسنى الضر و أنت أرحم الأرحمين – اللهم وفقنى فى مسعاى و اقدر لى الخير حيثما كان و كنت و رضنى به - اللهم اهدنا فيمن هديت و عافنا فيمن عافيت – اللهم انى اشكو لك ضعف قوتى و قلة حيلتى و هوانى على الناس – اللهم اشرح لى صدرى و يسر لى أمرى و احلل عقدة من لسانى يفقهوا قولى – انه من يهده الله فلا هادى له و من يضلل فلن تجد له وليا مرشدا – اللهم اجعلنا من المهتدين و لا تجعلنا من الضالين و لا تخرجنا من رحمتك يا ارحم الأرحمين و الحمد لله رب العالمين و الصلاة و السلام على أشرف المرسلين سيدنا محمد و على آله و أصحابه أجمعين.